you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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