you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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