Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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