ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
