Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
