Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize