She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
