Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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