Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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