he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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