I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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