do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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