I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
