I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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