When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
