you would pick up someone in the library
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
