I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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