I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
