why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
