Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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