nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
