sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
