Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
