Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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