If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
