i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
