as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
