Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
