I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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