I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
