Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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