Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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