i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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