Can Purell be used as lube?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
