just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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