real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize