Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
