So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
