You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
