smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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