Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
