but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
