Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
