you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
