i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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