Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
