you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
