from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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