just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
