So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize