he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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