Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
