it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
