I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
