I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
