Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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