I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
