just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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