there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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