This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
