wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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