So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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