I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
