Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Drunk is not a location!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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