Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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