so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
