I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize