I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize